Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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