i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
soo... how was my night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
