I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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