that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
