just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
