he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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