how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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