How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
