i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
