I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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