Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize