those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
