like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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