Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
