three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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