The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize