i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
