Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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