In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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