Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
