They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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