farters have to be the big spoon...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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