woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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