Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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