I need to stop coming to work sober
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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