i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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