hotel room ftw
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
