he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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