I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
