i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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