her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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