i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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