I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
