We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize