I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
