My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and she was petting her beer can
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
