i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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