well I can't set my house on fire every night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
