Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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