Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
