I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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