We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
