I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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