forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
PS: I just woke up from my shower
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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