The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
