wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
