remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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