Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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