I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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