I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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