1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
