I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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