I got chris browned last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
