I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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