So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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