Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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