im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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