my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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