I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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