can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
