were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
