Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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