I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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