thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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