she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
