I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
