toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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