My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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