Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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