I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
