he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
