he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
