i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
