i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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