I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
