cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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